Law and Order VPL Unit

Fashion crimes are committed daily on the mean streets of New York City.

Undergarment-based offenses are considered especially heinous. Gwyneth and I witness these tragic felonies all too frequently. As your dedicated detectives, we’ve investigated these vulgar crimes and are reporting today with solutions to bring some order to the laws of momentum and gravity. This is our story. The truth is, we’ve all got a story. We’ve all witnessed an undergarment-based offense. Chances are many of us have committed one. Even scarier, you may have unknowingly committed one. Because, at some point, each of us has fallen into one of the following three categories:

  1. You need a little help in keeping everything in the right place. Your undergarments are not adequately meeting that need.
  2. You don’t have excess that needs to be addressed. (We find you annoying.Congratulations.) You wear teeny undergarments to avoid a VPL, but with some outfits made of lightweight materials, they aren’t doing anything for your buns, hun.
  3. You have the good sense to ask for help when you need it. You’re wearing shapewear, but it’s either constantly riding up or so uncomfortable that you can’t stop tugging at it.

Any of these sound like you? Since we’re keepin’ it real here…I’ll admit that I’ve fallen into each category at one point or another. Most often it’s #3. So when Jockey asked me to try out its new line of Rachel Zoe’s “Major Must Haves” from Jockey, I said yes immediately. (Gwyneth was fully supportive.) Jockey is known for quality and comfortable undergarments, and Rachel Zoe puts flawless fashion first, so theoretically, the products in this line should stay in place, keep circulation flowing to the extremities, and be outfit-enhancing.

To demonstrate our commitment to cleaning up the streets, Gwyneth and I shopped our closet for the least-forgiving dress we own to test out these “Major Must Haves.” Our Black Halo Jackie O dress isn’t just body-conscious, it’s stop-and-notice-all-of-me red. So we paired it with the Tummy Short to see if it could spend a little less time on a hanger.”(Remember this photo from our round up of LRDs? Well now you’re in on one of our little secrets!)”

Now, Gwyneth and I won’t be pulling this one out for the next children’s birthday party we’re invited to. But the Tummy Short did stay in place, was comfortable and smoothed flaws and lines. Paired with low heels and understated hair and makeup, this dress is appropriate for a fashion-felony-free night out.

This is our story, and now we want to hear yours. We’re even offering a reward for fellow crime-stoppers!

Tell us about a time you committed or witnessed an undergarment-based offense, and you’ll be entered for a chance to win a $100 Jockey gift card! And due to the sensitive nature of this topic, we definitely understand if the names are changed to protect the guilty!

xoxo, mk & Gwynnie

Rachel Zoe’s “Major Must Haves” from Jockey are available now in major retailers, Jockey outlet stores, and on

Rules: No Purchase necessary. No duplicate comments.

You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods: (a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post, (b) Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post, (c) Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post,(d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 11/7 to 12/6.

Be sure to visit the sponsor’s brand page on, where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!


  1. Matilda Joyce says:

    Oh boy! I was just thinking about my new underwear, which falls into a category somewhere in between crimes #1 & #2, when I saw this post.
    Alright, TMI. Let’s just say I need this!!!

  2. Hmmmmm… well, who hasn’t at some point commited a VPL?? If it isn’t staying in the right place, then it’s riding up! This would be a great help!

  3. I definitely committed a year long offense after giving birth…Looking back at pictures, I should have been wearing shapewear!!!

  4. Vanessa R says:

    I am pregnant with my first baby and it will be really nice to have post partum

  5. I once saw a girl wearing a bra OVER her shirt…no joke.

  6. I think I’ve witnessed and probably had lines or unwanted bulges over the years, especially since having 2 children.


  8. When I was the matron of honor at my friends’ vows, I picked something frumpy and over-sized because I didn’t feel I looked good in my ‘nice’ clothes due to pregnancy. I guess that hid the fact that my underwear wasn’t exactly helping me, but I still think having some nice shapers like these would have made a lot of difference!

  9. I would really love to try these jockey pieces! I am sure they would come in handy during wedding season and year round to help slim lines and make dresses even more beautiful! Thanks for the giveaway!

  10. Chelsey Hill says:

    I could use shapewear under all my clothes post pregnancy now that nothing seems to fit right!

  11. Lisa Brown says:

    I was out and about on a summer day and saw this girl with a backless summer top and she was wearing a standard bra, not a backless bra. I couldn’t believe it :)
    jslbrown_03 at yahoo dot com

  12. Lisa Brown says:
  13. amybelle2001 says:

    There is a woman at my office who insists on wearing really really tight thongs under really tight clothes. But she’s gained a lot of weight, so the thong cuts into her shapeless flabby butt. The thong looks like it’s strangling her butt (you know, where all you can really see under the tight skirt is the fact that the thong straps are lost under folds of fat). It’s really gross, but no one knows how to approach her and tell her to get better-fitting underwear AND less-tight clothing.

  14. i need this know when i’m pregnant but in that weird stage where you cant tell if i’m pregnant or chubby! lol

  15. Melanie Montgomery says:

    I see women daily with too tight yoga pants and highly visible panty lines! I wear my yoga pants out sometimes and I hope I’ve never been guilty of this.

  16. Tiffany Winner says:

    i witness undergarment-offenses whenever i see a woman spilling out of her too-small bra

  17. Tiffany Winner says:
  18. amy pugmire says:

    2 months after I had a baby I spoke in church. I really wish I would have worn some. Looking back. I didn’t look so great!

  19. amy pugmire says:
  20. I pretty much wish I was wearing shape wear all of the time!!! I think I will want to wear it on my first cruise this December. Thanks for a chance to win and have a great day!

  21. i need this.. My current spanks is almost see through.. I decided to not wear them once and was asked when i was due at least 4 times.. I am not pregnant and my youngest is 3!

  22. I see at least one person guilty of a love handle offense every time I go to the grocery store!

  23. Anytime there are/were pictures involved!

  24. I know I will be needing shapewear after my baby is born! :)

    chambanachik at gmail dot com

  25. April Yedinak says:

    I witness undergarment offenses all the time. I can’t stand it when women go out in public braless. I am just glad the fad of wearing low cut jeans with your thong sticking out the top is over.

  26. Maria Cantu says:

    witness every time you go to the store, they’re everywhere

  27. when we were on a cruise – there were a lot of undergarment based offenses

  28. It gotta be when I attended the highschool reunion party with a tight dress! How I wish to go back in time!

    amy [at] utry [dot] it

  29. Wild Orchid says:


    wildorchid985 @ gmail dot com

  30. Wild Orchid says:

    I wish I wore shapewear when I returned to work after having my son!
    Thanks for the cool giveaway!

    wildorchid985 @ gmail dot com

  31. Around the holiday season when it’s tough to keep my weight down.

  32. I really could be wearing these all the time. I need it.

  33. On all my wedding days!

    gmissycat at yahoo dot com

  34. Tweeted

    gmissycat at yahoo dot com

  35. I tweeted:

    whitneybellows88 (at) gmail (dot) com

  36. Oh boy! I committed a major offense by appearing at a wedding without shapewear.

  37. OH my! I have a acquaintance who is constantly wearing pants that are WAY too tight for her and every day with her is an underwear offense. She always has a horrid case of bunchy butt, where you can see her underwear bunching up under her pants. The only time you don’t see this is when she is wearing jeans. LOL I wish I knew her well enough to say something, but I don’t.

  38. I wish I had these when I went to a wedding last summer and had to take numerous visits to the bathroom to readjust my undergarments because they kept bunching up.

  39. ANGEL JACKLYN says:

    I commit unruly offenses because sadly, I’m too lazy or petrified to shop around & find the right “fit.” Because my offenses consist of wearing underwear that’s clearly too small (because it’s so old), I tend to skip on the undergarments… BOTH pieces a LOT of the time… that is completely unruly looking to innocent passer-bys who witness the “bounce” or the “bend”… I know, I know, I need to get it together lol

  40. ANGEL JACKLYN says:
  41. ellen beck says:

    Going into a certain store late night you see a whole LOT of offences . One of the most recent was when I saw a very very pregnant young lady wearing a pair of pink stretch pants who’s stretch had given up with a pair of black thongs. I was behind her, it was hideous.

  42. ellen beck says:
  43. i wish I was wearing shapewear when I was just getting to know my husband! Thanks for a super giveaway!

  44. My most embarassing undergarment moment was at my cousin’s wedding in Hawaii. I was using some expensive stick-on bra thing under my sheer, low-backed dress. Apparently, they don’t stay stuck in humidity. During the reception, I felt one slide down my body and plop onto the floor. Fortunately no one noticed. I kicked it to the side of the room so that I could fetch it and take the offending thing to my room

  45. tweet:

    Thanks for a super giveaway!

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